I wana..
be nice to everyone..
especially the close people around me..
haven't been good..
vulgarities & uncouth words..
shooting off..

I wana..
study well enough..
don't wana fail any sorta test again..
i'm not saying i'll mug day and night..
just the minimal to do well enough..
thats enough..

I wana..
train hard..
to be good enough..
be on the boat for every race set..
go for races..
to win medals..

Joel told me..
to think about what i live for..
taking her out of the equation..
that i can love her..
and free myself at the same time..
i thought and thought..
no answer came..

i told Ele this..

i'm telling u..
if ur gonna be lyk this every day..
you wun get to enjoy life as u wud lyk it to be..

As in read it the second time through..
it hit me back real hard..
i realised so much..

i love life..
life gave me so much..
those nearly 18 years of my life..
it has been good..
perhaps too good..
time to learn to appreciate what i have now..
it starts now..

i live cause...
still pondering..
i know i'm getting close..

Love ya..
till when no idea..