I'm just so sick of this life..
nothing to look forward to..
just living in this empty world..
i yearn for you..
just your companionship..
but i've made my stand..
my "promise"..
therefore i must adhere to it..
even if it means picking up my phone..
typing the whole message out..
only to save it in the phone..
reading every now and then..
just reminiscing..
the times we shared..
cause thats all i got of you now..

There will always be a part of her in me..
i just have to learn to make space for another..
no idea how long it'll take..
but i guess this is the way to go..
thanks alot to this special person..
who told me this..
you enlightened me..
we'll see how things go..

Even with everyone beside me..
i find myself empty..
unless i have you..

2 papers down..
1 more to go on thursday..
i guess the papers were do-able..
wish me luck for my last..

Thoughts still flow but not as bad..
the mere mention of your name..
use to bring tonnes of memories..
and i'll get all emo-ed again..
not so much anymore now..
that's a start i guess..
i'm still hoping something would happen..
wishful thinking on my part..

I'm not the victim..
cause i'm not..
i hurt you..
you were great..
no amounts of sorry would help..
just want you to be happy..
i'm gonna remove my shackles..
and soar..

Life's short..

Exams just 2 days away..
revision semi-done..
find myself still lost..
tomorrow's my final day..
time to rev it all up..

Caught lovewrecked yesterday..
just what i needed i guess..
a damn funny love comedy..
happy endings as usual..

Practically slacked around the house..
the whole dae today..
headed to gym..
just did a few sets..
headed home..
another day wasted..

Time spent doing nothing..
means time spent thinking..
what else but you..
but what can i do..
i've done what i could..
said what i truely mean..
wrote what i really feel..
not that the ball's in your court..
everything i've did didn't matter..
everything i've said didn't touch..
everything i've wrote revolves around..
the very thing that mean so much to me..
You..

Happy endings only come in movies..
reality's harsh and cruel..

Words that i've typed out..
but never ever gonna go through..
cause i just couldn't hit "enter"..
so that it appears on your screen..
i'll stick to my promise..
rather i must..
but its hard really..
not that my words mean anything to you..
but there's so much i wana say..
thing that i wana let you know..
so that you know what's goin on in my life..
to re-understand me..
everything's too late now..
don't even know if i'd ever see or talk to you again..
there's no point saying all these words..
perhaps thing are better this way..
been feeling lyk this since forever..
will this ever end..?

The closer the person to you..
the more it hurts..

You mean alot to me..

Leave it all to fate..

Thought you are my friend..
but your words left me nothing but disappointment..
you talk as if it was my fault that i can't study..
how do you study in tampines mall macs..
you promised to come down if i could find net connection..
asked someone to setup net connection for you..
you said you didn't believe ther person..
i got nothing to say to you now..
just really disappointed..

Always forgiven never forgetting..

Its the little things that matters..
not just empty words..
that bear no witness to your actions..

Life's crumbling again..
get used to it..
all by myself..

I'm surviving not barely..
i find myself feeling pretty much fine..
really getting used to everything..
what's there i'll just leave it there..
not bothering bout it so it doesn't bother me instead..
i know where my heart still very much is, not with me..
i don't see me getting in any relationships anytime..
it'll take some while maybe a very very long while..

What i bring to bed..
lets flow..
stays in bed..
never to leave..

Everyday is another day for me to know myself and others better..

Thoughts that never left the mind..
thoughts that held back..
not put down in words..
doesn't mean that they left..
just that they are cooped up..
left in my heart and mind..
never to leave cause..
it'll just make things worse..
why when all you're gonna be is a nuisance..
everything you do seems to come to nothing..
do the person even feel anything for you..
or has the past brought too much pain..
so much that the person just can't..
i understand everything perfectly..
just that i can't bring myself to do it..

i feel i may not..
pull through this time..
God give me strength..

You mean too much..
enough said..

Down with bad flu this morning..
just kept sneezing..
my nose runny and all..
can't be down with sickness..
not now with the exams around the corner..
skipped training as mucus was flooding my lungs..
apparently rest and hydration are the keywords..
shall have them now..

Program Auto lab test tomorrow..
hopefully god blesses me..
but there's a limit which he can do..
the rest is up to me..

the void needs to be filled..
but not when i'm unsure myself..
i'm afraid..

I want my words to bring comfort to you..
my words ain't just sweet talk..
a reminder to myself of what needs to be done..
so that it holds me back..
i believe sooner if not later i'll get through..
where would all this take us..
why am i taking this burden with me..
when all i have to do is let go..
a part of me has to go for this to end..
drastic measures has been taken..
the question is..
will it ever end..?

Jeremy told me this..
people don't care how many times you fail..
they only care about the times you succeed..

Always wished i had succeeded..
yet i've always failed..

Fast forwarding myself to the present state..
i've been living in the past for way too long..

Random thoughts make random posts..

Rushing out sociology presentation..
still find much undone but don't know what exactly..
hope it goes well tomorrow..
needa start revising soon..
please call me out to study..
and if i give excuses force me out..
can't study at home too many distractions..

Evidence that life's not fair..
-People practicing for labtest..
but i got 98 marks while they scored badly..
-People studying so hard..
me mugging an hour before paper..
and i managed to get higher marks..
-Had group questionaire..
my answer was right but yet i was outnumbered..
2 to 1 and we got the answer wrong..
-CK's bus just left..
after we reached the bus stop..
yet his bus came again..
and me waiting another 10mins..

Life's unfair but who cares as long as they go my way..

Messaged my piece to you today..
i hope its for the better me..
if i don't take the initiative when will this end..
know its not you, its me..
kinda sad things had to end this way..
perhaps its for the better..
you'll still hold an important place in me..
nows just not the time..
when i'm still so clingy and emotional..
i'm an emotional terrorist..

Live Strong..

I live life for myself..

Caught Click yesterday..
Adam Sandler acted real well..
Kate Beckinsale is pretty..
funny yet touching storyline..
lucky there wasn't a sad ending..

Every single thing is worth cherishing..
no matter how unimportant it may seem..

I don't know what's with me today..
yesterday was able to row pretty comfortably..
today i felt crappy..
the lactic in my muscles built up quickly..
felt real tired..
and real disappointed with myself..

I'll get better..

Its kinda disturbing to me..
to not be able to feel..
what i've been feeling..
for the past months..
something inside me left..
every stumble and fall..
a part of you in me leaves..

Perhaps i'm loving the old you..
you're not the one i love now..
been living in the past too long..

Deep down..
i know you're there..
just too weak to do anything..
perhaps this is what they call fade away..

I'm afraid to lose thing feeling..
the leash is gone but yet i long for it..
it gave me the assurance i needed..
now i feel lost..
nothing to guide me..
scared to wander into unchartered territory..

Just don't wana love again..
no matter how much i long for it..
no matter how tempting it maybe
my heart will remind my mind..
i've been through too much..
don't wana go through it again..

I've had enough..



ps: NDP pictures fully up.. scroll down..

Pics as promised..

Cant seem to upload the NDP pics..
oh well.. i'll try again tomorrow..
wanted to let the pics do the talking..
life's lyk tt anyway..
the disciplined parade..
the usual mass dance..
but the fireworks never seem to bore me..
just breathtaking..

Training today..
the usual forearm hurts..
got through nonetheless..
pumping metal makes me happy.. =)
i'm sadistic..

Perhaps i've come to accept it..
nothing seems to bother me that much anymore..

Why is it that the more you want something..
the faster it disappears from your hands..
just like flowing water..
grasping hold of it won't help..
just need form my hands into a bowl..
and savour every single moment..
those that flow through just let it go..
for its gone and no use regretting..

I wish i could do that..
but i just can't..

My feelings rule me..

Visited Grandpa's columbarium..
5 years have flown by since he passed..
how much i teared..
that gut-wrenching feeling..
no one expected him to leave..
he was one tough cookie..
everyone was expecting Grandma..
she was frail and always down with sickness..
we cared for Grandma..
neglecting Grandpa..
he suffered a stroke and never got up..
frailties of human life..
least when you expect..

Purpose of training is lyk frosted glass..
you can see a vague picture..
but the details can't be seen..
hope this vision clears up real soon..

Memories still flow..
perhaps their getting stronger..
but so have i..
what's the purpose of doing all these..
i'll live on..
no matter how hard it'll be..
and least i can say..
you're the girl i've loved so dearly..

What else can i still do..
everything i do seems helpless..
that gaping wound in my heart..
never healed..
will it ever be healed..
part of me gone..
will it ever return..

Life sucks..

Can sincerity move the heart..?
or is it just merely sympathy..?

ZhenHong was nice today..
treated me to Swensen's earthquake..
although there was a 1 for 1 offer..
free ice cream nonetheless..
damn bloated after finishing one..
felt damn good.. =)












Full












Halfway through












All done! =)

Worsened my forearm muscles during gym trainin..
it hurts every now and then..
weakens my grip on things..
contemplating whether to go training..
god please shake off the pain..
i wana train..

I'm addicted to Oldies as in songs.. lol..
send me Oldies please.. =)

Been looking for this song for long..
this rendition done by some unknown guy..
not as nice i feel..
Mandy by Barry Manilow originally..
resung by Westlife..
can't seem to find it..
if you have it send me please will you.. =)

Friends that seem enough for a lifetime..
the sudden realization of people..
whom you thought would always be there..
you for them and them for you..
leaving your side..
one by one..
walking further..
just fading away..
you stand there alone..
and there's nothing you can do to stop it..
accept the facts then..
nothing last's forever..
let it be..

I'll just be another random person..
a surface friend..

Perhaps its better this way..
no attachment brings..
no disappointment..
no expectations..

I'm sorry Ben..
Pat too..
and all whom i said the phrase to..
but really..

Everything that has a beginning..
has an end..

The truth hurts..
yea i know..

Fitness test..
16 chin-ups per minute..
57 sit-ups per minute..
2 sets of 55 and 68 push ups per minute..
9.28 minutes for 2.4km run..

still much room for improvements..
just another step closer to my dream..
to fulfil all of coach's benchmark..

When the standard is high..
you strive even harder..

Final lap of run was a killer..
the thought of me giving up..
and the image of you..
started bursting for the last 300m..
collapsed on the line..
my legs went weak..
i couldn't stand..
there was a smile on my face..
it was for you..