Went to PS with ShiHan and Eileen..
ate some fried noodles and omelette thingy.. nice..
had ice-cream after.. double chocolate.. lol..
got my white shirt at G2K with ShiHan..
Abby, Joel and Ele came later..
walked around..
had BK for dinner..

Left for Mediacorp..
watched campus superstar..
amazed with what goes through behind the scenes..
what we see on TV is just the nice parts..
i mean the audience had to rehearse too..
when to clap..
when to shout..
so much preparation..
left early after the performances..
too late the results show..

Went to Toa Payoh..
had Ya Kun..
love the eggs..
totally heavenly.. lol..
crapped awhile..
went home..

Life must go on..
It'll never stop for you..
Once its over..
You can't catch up..
Cause it'll never be back..
Cherish.. & Love...

Even how hard it is to say we'll never be together again..
I'll love you uncondtionally..
without regrets..
cause there's none other..
like you...

Went to DB training today..
sun was not as hot as a fortnight ago..
did sets of 30 minutes rowing..
training was not as tough..
but i'm still tired nonetheless..
been exercising for the past 3 days..
shagged.. love the feeling..

Dad hasn't been going to work..
he hurt his back a few days ago..
he can't even stand straight for long periods...
he has a history of backaches..
he always rub his back to smoothe the pain..
the pain was unbearable yesterday..
he and mum went to CGH..
i was out.. could have at least went with them..
he took an x-ray..
doctor told him it was his bones degenerating..
he got a week's MC..
he's getting better..
i hope..

How long should i wait..
no girl made me feel this way before..
you're the only one in my heart..
life...

Cycled to TP..
played tennis with ShiHan, Ele and Abby..
i think i'm like the worse player there..
Ele is very pro.. duh.. she played for her school..
Me and ShiHan got thrashed by the girls..
Later me and Ele teamed up and beat the other 2..
alittle sunburnt.. everyone felt wasted after tennis..
still got dragonboat tomorrow..
got a bad feeling that i'll be very shagged..
i mean every training is very shagged..
been exercising for the past 2 days..
plus tomorrow 3 days..
actually i love the feeling of being tired..
sleep better.. lesser time to ponder about stuffs..

Had dinner with them plus Eileen..
she came later.. had errands to do..
walked around alot..

Okay.. feeling the strain in my thighs..
i'm tired.. dead tired..
time to sleep..

My heart beats for a sole purpose..
To love you..
Protecting from afar..
Loving from a distance..

Start of the holidays and i'm feeling so wasted..
its like the first day and i can't find anything to do..
mapled from level 29 to 30..
sat around the computer the whole day..
watched alittle television...
decided to job at the park below..
was intending to stop at 15 rounds..
kept pushin on something was on my mind..
went for another 5 rounds..
pretty amazing..
felt high..

I run long distances just to get that high feeling..
makes me forget all my problems and my troubles..
but it just lasts for like 3 minutes..
but its worth it.. you get free drugs and trains stamina..
killing 2 birds with one stone..
i'm not saying i'll take drugs to get that feeling..
tts just stupid.. i'm clean.. =)

I can't say..
I'll hold my stand..
My promise to you..
Hanging by the thread..
Hanging by the noose..
Suffocating..

Exams are over!! lepak time!!

Practically DOTA-ed after the exams at Pavillion with my Classmates..
We crap lots.. serious.. its lyk the crappiest day..
Had lotsa fun too.. we should do this more often..
Maybe its cause of the passing of the exams..
A huge burden off me for the time being..
Gonna take time off for myself and friends..
Thanks for being there..
Now i'm here.. =)

Help me do this survey ! wanna know myself better.. =)
This like the 3rd day i'm doing this.. lol..

Moody.. ups and downs..
Confused over how i'm feeling..
A swirling mess in me..
Perhaps its the numbing of my heart..
Take a fist.. everyday keep punching the wall..
It'll be painful at first.. but soon you will come to accept the pain..
So much that it becomes a part of you..
So much that you don't feel the pain anymore..
Guess that's how i felt..
Love Ya...

1 more to go.. in a flash 3 papers have passed.. SSMAT was alright.. DFUND tomorrow! wish me luck..

Help me do this survey ! wanna know myself better...

What's the purpose of you calling me..?
When all you did was shout over the phone blaming me for not calling you..?
Scolding me for not informing you..
Not believing i was in school..
Telling me when was i a studious boy..?
Yes i was wrong.. but i'm 18.. not 8..
Cut the line.. couldnt be bothered..
Then your sms came..
Didn't matter..
CAPITAL LETTERS all over..
Incessant phone calls..
Never once did i pick up..
Telling me to RESPECT YOU IF NOT..

Hah.. Respect is Earned not Demanded..

A fire without its flame..
Mood-swings..
Everyday i feel different..
One day can be so happy..
The next so tearful..
Schizophrenia..?
Maybe its cause i'm a Cancerian..
My feelings governed by the moon..
I miss you...

Done with another paper.. EMATHS.. should be able to pass.. left with 2 more.. SSMAT and DFUND.. will be studying hard! cmon! i can do it!

Finally got back my phone! Thanks mum for collecting for me..

Please help me do this survey about me! click here!

Sunshine after rain...
but the ground is still wet...

Done with EDEVCKT.. seriously no idea how i'm gonna do.. thats bad i guess.. shan't be too bothered by it.. its over.. thanks to all who wished me well for the exams.. it boosted me mentally.. having EMATHS tomorrow.. shall go to school early to practice.. cant wait for everything to be over.. gonna sleep soon...

So much thoughts went through my head..
tearing myself to sleep every night..
the notion of you being here again..
wishing you were here my love..
i yearn for your company..
i really need you..
i love you..

Feel like killing myself.. the revision is pretty much F***ed.. my studies ain't great.. actually its terrible.. a huge chunk of my life disappeared ever since you left.. including my studies.. i allowed it to overcome my whole life.. i've never recovered.. and i'm paying the price for it now.. its not that i regretted wad i did.. it taught me so much.. so much that books can't teach...

Time to burn.. let it burn...

I'm disgusted by myself...

How Dumb...

How Lazy...

How Useless...

I HATE myself...

I've Hit Rock Bottom again...

See only the good things.. deep down....

Everything is so much more beautiful if only you were here...
Everything...
If only you were here...
I've never recovered...
I may never recover...
Its all coming back to me again...
I thought this time i would make it...
Through this disillusioned path...
I may never make it...
Cause i don't want to...

My own wishful thinking...
My regret...
My tormented spirit...
My lifeless soul...

Dead & Depressed...

Went jogging with Dad just now.. just keep lyk running.. just keep running.. the tiredness is not physical but mental.. kinda 'lost' Dad while running.. i stopped to do chin-ups.. he continued running.. thought he would go to central to buy dinner so i ran towards central.. in turn, he was running to the park below my block.. i sorta went round and round.. kept running.. just kept running.. the tiredness is not physical but mental.. kept thinking where was he.. where was he.. just kept running faster and faster.. got tired of all the finding.. went to the park.. yea.. he was there.. waiting for me...

I learnt that relationships are like me and my Dad.. it takes both people to cross the same 'path' and end up at the same place.. there's no use thinking where the person will be.. and trying to find that 'place' that the person would be.. there's no use finding the destination.. cause if its meant to be the person would be there.. either waiting for you or arriving at the same time...

Hah.. the wonders of running...

Thanks HuiPing for 'introducing' me to this song.. always loved J.J Lin's song.. always meaningful.. his voice has that raspy kinda feeling but very controlled.. very nice.. this song is gonna be on my blog for a very long time.. enjoy!

Now That She’s Gone Music and Lyrics by J.J Lin

Girl you know I miss you so
I didn’t know you had to go
You’ve had enough of our distance baby

Before I had the chance to say
I’m staying with you
For the rest of my life

Don’t keep telling me these words
You don’t know how much it hurts
And I’ll promise you eternity
If you promise me your stay
But now it’s too late
I’m no longer the man that I was

I will go on without her
Like a fool who’s too sure
I’m like a bird who’s lost her wing
A fire without its flame

I don’t know how to be strong
When my love has to move on
I am a song without a soul
Now that she’s gone
What’s left of us is this song

This is our song without a soul
Now that you’re gone
What’s left of us in this song

Met Gerald at 11am to study at Loyang Point today.. did a little of maths.. went to school to meet CK and the rest.. went for SSMAT lecture.. certainly helped alot.. went through nearly all the topics.. slacked abit at Chris's house.. Sorry ShiHan i was late.. didn't take note of the time.. went home and changed.. met ShiHan at PR CC to play Badminton.. Jeremy and Zhang ShiMin came too.. get to just clear my mind and tire myself out.. but there were too much there to forget.. don't think, justin! *slaps self* god damn me.. send me to hell...

My Forlorn Figure..
I'm Disconsolated..
I shan't try anymore...

Fate and Faith...

Woke up like at 1pm today.. lol.. everyday waking up at a later time.. didnt study today.. was too tired.. feeling the tiredness in my mind and body.. actually its not my body.. its my mind.. been thinking too much for the past few days.. frustrated over myself.. of what i did.. or am doing.. i'll get through it.. i must get through it..

Putting on a strong facade..

15th Feb - Screwed Up Day

Sorry CK wanted to go school today.. but slept late woke up late.. very tired.. watched alot of television today.. the mood for studying is still swingy.. i felt guilty not studying..

Decided to go Loyang Point Macs to mug with Gerald.. did like 2 chapters of EDEVCKT.. then began to slack.. ShiHan came.. blasted my mp3.. just didnt feel like studying.. decided to meet up under my block to blade..

they grabbed their blades and came over.. i think God hates me.. was doing some stunt.. banged into Gerald.. landed on my pouch.. quickly took out my handphone(mine's a flip phone).. kinda relieved to see the front cover intact.. flipped open my phone.. ARGH!!! the LCD inside the screen cracked.. argh me god..! i mean i just changed the LCD cause it shorted itself like a few months ago.. and now this?!?!

*The following may sound rude and vulgar to some M18 rated*

Anyway.. Gerald & me.. decided to take out the brakes of our blades so that the brakes wouldnt get in the way when we do sharp turns.. took the brake off.. tightened the screws.. everything looked seamlessly normal.. till Gerald felt that the back wheels produced a 'clicking' sound.. we removed the screw but the 'vagina' end couldn't be taken out because the screw was tightened too tight before.. (used 'vagina' cause i don't know the vocabulary correct term.. 'vagina' seems practically accurate enough, as the screw was screwed into that end.. okay its getting worse as i try to explain.. lol..) the 'vagina' end in chinese.. kai hua.. opened flower.. tried all means to get the V-end out.. we hammered.. we screwed.. we pulled.. yea got it out.. realised that we couldn't put it back in.. i too who took out my brakes realised.. i cant take the V-end out.. but mine's not as bad as Gerald's.. didn't force it out..

we all decided to head for WS Bike Shop only to realise they don't sell those V-ends.. headed to PR park where we bought our blades.. the shop was closed.. lol.. PR park is going to have its own Horse Stable.. they just built it.. way cool.. alot of developments to encourage citizens to have a more leisure lifestyle.. what crap.. shan't digress..

we all headed back to under my block.. there we chatted abit crapped alot.. while chatting Gerald was trying hard to force the V-end into the wheels.. suddenly.. 'pop'! the V-end went through the wheels.. all's fine again.. lol.. fixed back his brakes.. now its mine got problem.. i was getting desperate.. i pulled.. no avail.. used the alan key to hammer.. yay! it came out.. tried to fix back but it got stucked again.. i pulled and pulled.. till my hands were aching.. ShiHan just gave a small tug.. it came out.. are me god.. he even helped me hammer the thing back in after fixing back the brakes.. all fine again.. other then my handphone of cause.. gonna send it for repairs tomorrow..

I learnt something today...
If it ain't spoilt.. why change it...
How true...

Stayed at home.. tried to study.. did one chapter of DFund only.. cant concentrate.. shall study more tomorrow.. was pondering too much..

This shall be my last post about You..

I've hurt you unknowningly..
I'm sorry..
Hung you by the leash..
Thinking it was freedom..
I've pushed you to the corner..
Thinking i let you go..
Tortured you..
I didn't mean to do it..
Its time to stop..
I'm so sorry...

maybe its easier to forget when you don't make it a habit to write down everyday..
maybe you'll never be with me again..
maybe you'll never talk to me again..
maybe its better to let things go..
I don't want to know..
don't tell me..

Maybe it wasn't love afterall..
I should let go...

Reached school at 12pm to study.. studied DFund for 3 hours plus.. satisfied with what i did.. but need to revise consistently.. i'm afraid of my semestral exams coming next week.. feel that i don't understand so much.. so much to revise.. my papers end on Thursday.. 1 day 1 paper.. hope i make it through without a glitch...

Father thought i cheated him.. he wanted to give me 30 bucks since its only study week.. yesterday he gave me 50 bucks i returned him 10.. he asked me to return the other 10 today.. today i handed him 10 bucks.. he said why i didn't return him 20.. since he gave me 50.. didnt have an argument.. just exchange of words through my mum.. not angry just disappointed.. every little thing can say so much..

Tomorrow's Valentine's Day.. gonna study in the late morning.. maybe i'll turn up for NPCC.. no one special to celebrate with anyway.. the one i want to celebrate with so much is busy.. i'll just drop by to hand your present anyway.. really hope you like it.. been pretty long since i last saw you.. maybe we could have sometime to catch up..? then again maybe not.. you'll most probably just say thank you, goodbye and take care..,

I Love You.. nothing can express how much more than these 3 words..

Thank you Mr Tan.. for dedicating the story to me.. really appreciate it.. its really meaningful.. beginning to reflect on what i've done and how do i move on from there.. i've been too emotional in everything that happened.. i just let my emotions get over me.. all this are part and parcel of life.. i just have to live with it and move on.. not allowing it to affect me in any other way.. no promises but i'll try...

I'll just share the story with everyone.. hope you don't mind...

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The people stared - how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought? The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance.

Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.

How sad it must be to go through life with a whole untouched heart.

--- Extract Mr Tan's Blog ---

Went out with Ele, Eileen, Abby, Gerald, Joel and ShiHan yesterday.. to celebrate Ele's Birthday which is coming soon.. Met up with Gerald in the morning to buy rollerblades.. ShiHan intro one.. good offer buy 1 get 1 free.. the total cost was ard 354 bucks.. split in half ard 177 per person.. good deal for good blades.. lol.. went home got my stuffs met up with the rest of the guys.. took a cab down to east coast.. met the girls.. they decided to rent the blades there.. bladed like for 2hours plus..? was great fun.. actually there were more people blading then cycling.. lol.. walked to parkway after that ate Yoshinoya.. the beef rox! moved on to Katong Shopping Mall to have 2 games of bowling.. went home after.. fun day!

Went for DragonBoat training at Kallang today.. 1pm to 4pm.. started off with warm ups then went running around the indoor stadium area.. got onto the boats and did many sets of rowing.. even rowed 30 minutes straight.. my biceps are aching.. met up with my parents after to have dinner at some Hokkien Restaurant in Geylang.. i'm was very hungry so the food was very nice! lol.. walked around Chinatown later just to soak up the ending of CNY.. thought there would be firecrackers.. but didn't see any so went home...

I love the pain.. the burning of lactic acid in my muscles after every pull of the paddle.. pushing myself till i can't go any further.. the aching of my body after every training.. its like every movement of my arms hurt.. but i like the feeling.. kinda sadistic.. but it diverts the pain away from my heart.. it distracts me when i think too much.. maybe thats why i joined back DB.. to take the attention away from you...

Still every night.. just lying in bed.. i think about you.. wanting to do so much.. the urge is there.. but thinking about you feeling hurt by me again stops me.. stops everything..

Heartache...

Thanks Joel.. you're post really touched me.. don't feel bad or sad for me.. as long as my friends are happy.. i will be too..

It ain't easy standin up again.. i've fallen.. real hard.. so hard that i really feel so helpless and useless.. so hard i can't stand upright again.. I Love You.. i created this mess myself.. now i must clean it all up.. you could have been right here by my side.. you could have been here in my arms.. i feel so close to you yet so far.. how ironic.. perhaps no one understands how i really feel.. everything could have been so much better.. if not for what i did.. i really hate myself.. why didn't i cherish you earlier..? only now.. the love was always here.. it never died.. perhaps it would never die..? the feeling's stronger than ever...

i'm burning in my tears of sadness...

No use crying over spilt milk.. what's done has already been done.. you can't change the facts.. results will get you somewhere.. but so will hardwork and determination.. pick yourself up again.. i'm sure you'll succeed.. don't give up hope.. not all is lost..

Friendship has found me again.. with all my friends so close to me.. i'm very satisfied with life right now.. But there'll always be a gap deep within me.. its only if the gap is filled and the bridge connected.. then can i say that my life would be so much more complete.. and i'll be so much happier.. I'll Always Love You...

I'll wait...
There's no use telling me not to...
Cause you're worth the wait...
So what if it all comes down to nothing..?
So what if you found someone better..?
I lost you while you're mine...
I'll have no regrets...

Had just 2 hours of school today.. missed CKT tutorial.. was tired.. den went to school to have lunch.. had EMaths tutorial and SSMAT lecture.. i joined back Dragonboat too.. went for trainin today.. did ran.. chin ups.. weights training.. wow.. feeling no strain whatsoever now.. maybe tomorrow i wont be able to get out of bed..? lol..

I wana ask so badly.. there so many buts.. maybe i shan't ask afterall.. its all predestined.. i can't do anything about it.. its only through so much pain that i realised you're still very much there.. deep in my heart.. just let me burn.. maybe i'll get over it..? most probably i won't.. you're too important.. do you even read what i write..? haiz.. if only you knew.. so many if's and but's.. nothing has been done.. nothing has changed.. i've accomplished nothing.. i hate myself.. i'm a useless incorrigible bastard.. i wana say so much.. but i have to keep my mouth shut if not you'll avoid me and feel hurt.. i don't want that to happen.. i'm gonna explode.. there's only so much i can hold on to..

drowning myself in tiredness.. for sake of not thinking about you...

i have a bad feeling about all this.. something is looming.. i feel it...

What's Love and what's Like..? is it really so hard to differentiate for you my friend..? to me the word Like is more used on you feeling an attraction to the person's be it personality, character or even looks.. you can sae i like being in your company.. but its just not Love.. Love to me is giving unconditional care and concern for that particular person.. not matter how impossible it is to be together again.. without regret whatsoever.. and just being with that person makes you clear of what you're doing.. and the purpose of doing so.. its hard to explain but to put it in laymen's term it just feel so right to have that person around you.. and whenever he/she is not there.. you feel a sense of loss and disappointment.. i hope this helps... =)

I feel so confused.. i just feel so down.. got to know you have study week next week.. was wondering should i ask you again..? i feel so demoralised.. there's a tinge of pain.. maybe it was all meant to be.. never expected you to do anything.. there's only you in my heart right now.. your words still ring in my heart.. everything that happened didn't tear me apart.. it only made me realised.. you're the one.. i really don't know what to do.. if only i had a clue.. if only i had.. I Love You...

With love and patience, nothing is impossible...

CKT Lab test went alright.. should be able to pass.. surprisingly TCS presentation went real well.. was quite nervous.. but the moment i began speaking all the tensions eased away.. time just few by.. done with all the presentations.. left with JAVA project.. pretty much done.. just have to hand up on Friday..

Friend's are the bare essential of life to me.. just love spending time.. sitting around cafes just chatting.. allows me to enjoy life to the fullest.. just like to chill...

Maybe i shouldn't have send you that sms.. maybe it frightened you.. or maybe you just deleted it.. most probably the latter.. things that you don't care about, you really don't bother.. and you end up hurting people who really care and want to care for you.. perhaps it just how you work.. so efficiently.. so diligently..

If you don't see me by your side.. Its cause i'll be right behind you.. To catch you when you fall...

Thanks Ele for inviting her over to her super big house.. lol.. got there in the mid afternoon.. yes.. the sun was hot.. walked exactly 10mins.. lol.. played card games.. i said card games cause we played everything that we could have thought of.. didnt know it was gonna be such a huge event.. so many people came.. saw a few ministers.. omg.. lol.. shook hands with Mr Mah Bow Tan.. lol.. he came over to our table to shake our hands.. although we were pretty insignificant.. so nice of him.. had our dinner.. got back to ele's room.. sat around.. after awhile we left..

Time spent with friends are times well spent.. i feel blessed with all of you in my life..

Just finished my TCS presentation.. 3am now.. chat with you too.. its been so long since we really chat.. it felt abit awkward.. i was happy nonetheless.. i really want you to feel the same way as i feel for you.. you're irreplacable..

I'm still missing you.. praying for a miracle.. a hope.. a revelation.. you're that something that will change my life forever.. I Love You..

CKT make up was at 9am.. only 3 person came.. CK, DJ and me.. plus other tutorial people.. suppose to be like for two hours.. but it ended after just one.. had breakfast outside school.. just walked around.. didn't feel like studying for CDS test at 1pm.. just slacked around.. studied a little.. the test was pretty alright i guess.. hope to pass...

Went running at the park below my block.. completed 20 laps.. i told myself i must complete 20 laps or i shant see you again.. determination and pure grit got me through.. the power of the mind.. is unlimited.. it hurts less now.. miss ya...

I'm tired.. very tired.. all these are taking a toll on me.. its affecting me in every way possible.. it really hurts.. alot.. the pain is constantly there and there's only so much i can take.. yes i'm not okay.. but didnt want to make you feel bad yesterday.. no use.. no purpose.. didnt want you to feel like anything was wrong.. i just took whatever that was coming.. it hurts but i have no regrets.. i'll never give you up.. my promise to you.. i'm not forcing myself.. i've fallen too deeply to stand up.. you're so important to me.. I Love You too deeply.. I'm sorry.. just let me be.. maybe i'm just type of guy who can only stand aside and admire the beauty of a rose.. like Gerald.. maybe i'll be happier seeing you happy than doing anything.. 我爱你...

Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you...

I'm disappointed.. i was on cloud nine just yesterday.. now..? no idea.. dead..? lost..? was looking forward to the day.. now.. it's all gone.. i'm not angry.. i'm not blaming you.. heaven played a huge joke on me.. perhaps its all fate.. perhaps it was all meant to be.. i've been knocked out cold.. i'm down and out.. gasping for air.. my heart stopped when i read that message.. how fast things can change in 24 hours.. i really wana cry it all out so badly.. it nearly came out.. something's holding me back.. my pride..? or cause there were people around..? just kept holding back at pool.. BK.. TM.. CS.. Home.. maybe i'll just lie on my bed and let it all flow.. like what i've been doing for the past months.. crying myself to sleep... I Love You...

To Eileen, Ele, Abby and SH.. my problem caused so much more problems.. I'm Sorry..

Never blamed you for what had happen.. perhaps its just me...

CDS ended at 7pm today.. didnt want to go home so quickly.. walked with CK, Nic and Patrick from TP to Tampines Bus Interchange.. took 3 home.. stopped at Pasir Ris Interchange.. changed buses.. took 17 home.. i shall say i took a very long time to get home and walked alot...

To Gerald.. Things dont always turn out the way we want them to be.. i understand what you're going through now.. i've been through myself.. take care of yourself and if anything.. just give me a call.. i'll be there...

Thoughts flowed more than usual today.. i've been thinking alot.. too much perhaps.. glad i asked you out on V Day.. you agreed to a certain extent i guess.. you seem kinda scared to reaccept me even as a friend again.. i'll promise to not go beyond that point till you allow me too.. Nevertheless,i'm happy.. to have you back in my life.. the void seems smaller now.. but y do i feel so disappointed at the same time..? i'm expecting things to just go back to normal cause you're talking to me again..? dumb Justin.. i feel this way cause it feels like you never left.. you never left my heart..

but..

Someone told me this to answer my query...
Cause you've shared better times with her when communication was so much easier and now just asking fo a simple date is so dry and forced..

How straightforward and true.. to that person.. thanks for everything.. you've done.. i really appreciate it..

It just feels so right to have you back in my life.. even if the status is different...

I want to visit more people to get more angbao! CNY ended lyk so abruptly.. time to visit more friends.. call me if you want me to visit.. lol..

Had presentation today.. had to wear formal.. felt kinda out of place.. went well i guessed.. didnt really listen to the 2 lectures i had.. was busy preparing my speech.. lol.. kinda impromptu.. but it worked! lol.. added loads of other stuffs.. even overshot the time.. but the lecturer didnt stop us so we just blabbered on.. time just flew by.. the Q&A session kinda helped one another cause the class had to ask the questions and we answer them.. so basically they asked questions that wouldnt really trouble us.. just breezed through.. =)

Weather's very hot today.. but a fine day for a run.. maybe later at 7pm.. didnt run.. was too lazy and tired.. i'll run tomorrow i guess..


Dear XXXXXX,

I really don't know how to start.. but.. i still love you alot.. i really do.. i thought through time my feelings would just fade away.. it didnt.. i'm so sorry.. there's so much that time couldn't erase.. i miss you everyday.. i miss everything about you.. been feeling this way.. have been diligently posting almost everyday.. since 04/12/2005.. not for you to read.. but for me to see how much i have grown through this.. and i hoped i did.. i was shattered.. i was bruised.. and nearly died.. the only thing left was my love for you.. it was always there.. and still is.. you're irreplacable in my heart.. always in my mind.. call me a fool, dumb or stupid.. i just can't let go.. I Love You.. if you're gonna avoid me again after you read this.. i fully understand.. but i've been wanting to say this.. it was just kept in my heart.. i didn't want to hurt you.. but i still did i guess.. there's so much i can hold.. i held on for almost a month without contact.. yes my heart-ached.. but i felt it was worth it.. if me not communicating made you happy.. i'll gladly do it again.. haiz.. i wouldn't blame you if you do nothing about this.. not expecting you to do anything either.. if you dont want me to disturb you or anything.. just tell me.. i'll promise you and stick to it.. happy that life's back to normal again for you.. i'm happy to see you like this.. stay happy always.. take care..

Loving You Always,
Justin