Thanks to all the wonderful people..
sending me birthday greetings..
really appreciated.. =)

What's with you..?
has busy-ness taken a whole new level..?
i'm totally oblivious..

Justifies my worth to you..

Maybe it's just me..

You're insensitivity..
My sensitivity..

Is a birthday greeting so hard to send..
anything you said could have made my day..

I can only look from afar..
I can only pray that you're safe..
I can only hope that you're happy..
I can only wish you love me..
cause I can only love you..

I'm 18..
its funny when you're below 18..
and you wished you were 18..
cause 18 seemed lyk the magical figure..
where teens become young adults..
i feel nothing..
perhaps due to my dampened spirits..
i'm thinking too much again..

Lookin back exactly 1 year ago..
i wrote of adaptation to poly life..
having a clearer perception of life..
knowing what i really want..

Things have changed..
poly life passes by lyk any other day..
having fun, fooling around, studying and training..
clearer perceptions come from tears that cleanse my soul..
every other person's perception matters..
realised i still don't know what i really want..
i only know what i must do..

Things i've learnt..
Cherish or fear regret..
regret brings tears and pain..
tears and pain make you cherish what you have..
the world doesn't stop when you stop..
always learn and understand..
Friendship fades away without mutual know-how..
loving but not getting back the love hurts..
when love hurts embrace the memories and feelings..
everything will be fine again..

I have only 1 wish..
i want all the people i know to just be happy..
Especially You..

There ain't no simple life..
life's too hard to explain..
catching an impossible dream..

i love you baby..
feelings overwhelm the words..
they shall be kept in my heart..

The beats hurt every now and then..

This is what we have been training for..
all the pain and sweat..
immortality take it its yours..
don't look back..
nothing less than 110%..
i finally get it..
the hype of it all..

Glad you took time to explain it all..
though things may not change..
at least i heard you're views..
i respect them and will try to understand..
but know that i have my views too..
my perception..
my feelings..

Through all in all..
i still love you..

Communication opens doors to any possibility..
i'm just finding the right door..

As i walk down the path we use to take..
reminiscing the words we use to share..
the beautiful memories left behind..
and the winding roads of pain and mistakes..
we were in each other's hearts..
nothing could keep us apart..
but everything has to end..
and everything was gone in a flash..
here i stand still waiting..
believing in me and you..
just hoping and praying..
that you'll be in my arms again..

Turning back time wouldn't help..
cause i'll never know how much i love you..

Right here missing you..
till the end of time..

Yes i have my own problems..
but when friends need me..
i'll always be there..
seeing you guys happy..
makes me happy..
so stay happy..

Family problems are common..
it just builds up over time..
when both parties explode at each other..
it doesn't help..
tolerate..
give in..
explain..
talk..

Bus rides home never fails to make me think..
there's really so much i just wana sae to you..
so much i wana know..
true from your heart..
but if what i'm gonna sae or ask affect you..
why should i do that..
you're fine and happy..
cooping up ain't a solution either..
just waiting for they day where either..
i lose my memory..
drop dead..
or explode sooner or later..

Haven't teared..
cause i haven't thought..
perhaps just too tired to think..
tonight ain't sure..
tearing clears the weight in my heart..

I've stood still since 7 months back..
the feelings..
the memories..
the love..
trying to be a better man..

The problem does not lie with you..
it lies with me..

Your words bring comfort in a sense..
i'm still mystified by everything..

i understand people care..
but this is what i've chosen..
and i have absolutely no regrets..
believe me..
trust me..
let me go on..

I wouldn't have been here..
where i stand..
right here..
right now..
if she isn't worth it..

What determines you're status..
be it single or in a relationship..
who defines what's are the do's and don'ts..
who justifies what i'm doing is wrong..
who defines everything..
who defines over..

Answer..
No one..
i live my life..
my way..

I'll listen to no one..
unless its you..

so much thoughts..
so much to say..
just to you..

i'm scared i won't survive another hit..

Proud of you guys..
you guys rowed dead well..
proud to be part of TPDB..
i'll train harder..

Havent seen you around lately..
really wanted to send a msg to see how you were doing..
pondered and thought..
confused and all over just a msg..
i decided to.. and i did..
few hours passed nothing came..
its funny how i don't feel disappointed..
maybe i anticipated as much..
i don't blame you..
you're just asleep or busy..
i really understand..

If only you understood me..
how'd i feel deep in..

Thoughts brings feelings..
feelings bring expectations..
expectations brings disappointment..
disappointment brings regrets..
regrets bring sadness..

Basking in the life that i want..
when my relations with close friends are good..
i feel so much happier..
i feel fuller as a person..
i feel less burden..

I feel lyk i've learnt so much..
from all these experiences..
understanding..
controlling emotions..
tolerance..
trying to look at things from different angles..
just being there for the person..

Life..
everyone is searching for a reason..
what if i believe the reason is you..?

Every word to you seems awkward..
Every picture of you brings a smile to my face..
Every mention of your name makes squim..
Every thought of you brings sweetness..
Every memory of you bring tears of regret..

The moment i saw you..
my heart skipped a beat..
i knew you were the one..

I'm not doing anything about it..
cause i don't know what to do..
not giving up though..
i'm know what i'm doing..

Pursuing my dream..
Pursuing my hope..
Pursuing my love..
Pursuing you..

Just me..
my memories..
my feelings..
my thoughts..
my you..

Everyone around me is happy..
thats all that matters..

Freshies had their row..
helped out..
more training tomorrow..
2 more days to POLY-ITE..
kill them all..

Had our Teh-Peng Lunch Gathering..
Gerald you're wish is granted.. Lol..
crapped alot..
totally lost when debates is the topic..
i guess everyone else was..
other than ZhenHong and Joel..
great to see everyone again..
reassuring to all everyone's fine..
catch up soon again..

In friendship's the most important are trust and understanding..

I wana know you're thoughts and feelings..

Life's back i guess..
smooth sailing..
plain sailing..
living the simple life..

My heart longs for you..
最后拥抱的温暖还有一些..

Training was way early..
not use to it..
didn't exactly have time for breakfast..
felt shagged..
learnt lots..

Had lunch with Joel..
talked about some stuffs..
you've grown..
you're mature..
i'll support you in everything you do..
make sure it doesn't cross you're conscience..
make sure you don't have any regrets..

We should do this more often..
there's been too much secrecy in the group..
yes we have fun together..
but that isn't all about friendship..
just wan everyone to open up..

i feel i'm losing you guys..
i know our friendship is so much more..

i understand what you're trying to put out to me..
but i really can't do it..
i understand i must move on to learn..
standing put wouldn't be much help..
but i've long made my decision..

i just have another one & a half years to wait..
thats not too long..
you're worth it..

My 300th post..
a quite a feat..
i'll never stop..
blogging frees my mind..
frees my soul..

If opening up was possible for me..

what about the tears i still cry late at nite..
what about the times spent just thinking bout you..
what about the times pushing myself physically to the limit for you..
what about the times gazing at the moon lit sky wishing you were just here..
what about the times praying you're fine whenever there's thunder and lightning..
what about the times hoping you'll come talk to me, knowing nothing will happen..
what about the times expecting a positive reply from you..
what about the times just wanting something better for you..
what about the times spent over the past half year..
what about the time spent loving you..

Everytime..
just waiting..
no regrets..

i just wana wait for you..
no one else..
if anyone's worth it..
it's you..

Stand up..
Speak out..
if not no one will know..

Thanks Joel i needed someone..
you were there for me..
greatly appreciated..

Rowing in the rain absolutely rocks..
although its a little cold..
the sensation of the drips of rain..
hitting off your skin..
really refreshes me..
makes me row harder..
endure longer..

One moment thinking about you..
the other not..
what's with me..
its been long..
mayb it isn't long enough..

People telling me to move on..
i would have if you weren't worth..
you're worth my every sec.. minutes..
hours.. days.. months.. years..
but shattered me never stood up again..
sometimes i just wish i was the old me..
cause i know the old me wouldn't have cherished you as much..
wouldn't love you as much..

Everyday is a lesson..
making me a better person..

Just wana close my eyes..
wana feel your warmth again..
in this cold night..
I miss you baby..

My day was spent training..
rowing at Bedok Reservoir..

Few of us volunteered for some row on 2th July..
representing Aljunied GRC..
had the practice row with BG George Yeo and his grassroot leaders..

People in our lives come and go..
if i'm such a liability to my friends..
i shouldn't stay and be one..
i'd rather leave..

People in our lives come and go..
if both choose to part..
make sure it end without regrets..
thats what's important..
no doubt memories will flow..
make sure there's only good memories..
at least you know it was worth everything you did..

Anger can bring about the dumbest words..

My life must be back on track..
before i'll make my move..
no doubt i'll get it on track..
the question is when..?

I've loved you forever..
In lifetimes before..
And I promise you never..
Will you hurt anymore..

Beautiful song..
great tempo..
clear voices..
connects with me..
my feelings for you..

my promise..

Nsync - This i Promise You
When the visions around you
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surrounds you
Are secrets and lies
I'll be your strength
I'll give you hope
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call
When standing here all alone

And I will take you in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Til' the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

I've loved you forever
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart
This is a battle we've won
And with this vow
Forever has now begun

Just close your eyes (close your eyes)
each loving day (each loving day)
And know this feeling won't go away (no)
Til' the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

Over and over I thought
When I hear you call
Without you in my life, baby
I just wouldn't be living at all

And I will take you in my arms (I will take you in my arms)
And hold you right where you belong (right where you belong)
Til' the day my life is through
This I promise you, babe

Just close your eyes each loving day (each loving day)
And know this feeling won't go away (no)
Every word I say is true
This I promise you

Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Ooh, I promise you

Time doesn't wait for the latter..

Things happened recently affected me greatly..

The normal every running of life..

Seems so much a burden..

Sitting here alone..

I've no one to blame..

I brought everything upon myself..

Off to training..
hoping it brings some much needed relief..
i need a break..

Didn't want to blog..
something happened..
i had to write down to feel better..

Saw your nick..
had 3 words that meant alot..

can't be me..

i'm confused/hurt/lost/teary/afraid/dead..
felt as though somethings stuck in my heart..
unable to get it out..
every breath..
every beat..
hurts..

Tears no longer brings relief..
i thought i hit the bottom..

Feelings brings back memories..
memories creates tears..
tears bring relief..
relief makes me better..
feeling better plunges me..
when the feelings come back..
it goes a whole cycle..
hits me time and time again..

I can't believe i still feel the same way 6 months ago..
time stood still..
i stood still..
you didnt..

I've never forgotten my promise to you..
and i intend to adhere to it..

All these feelings/belief/love..
in hope it brings me back to you..

There's no other..
irreplacable to me..

I wana..
be nice to everyone..
especially the close people around me..
haven't been good..
vulgarities & uncouth words..
shooting off..

I wana..
study well enough..
don't wana fail any sorta test again..
i'm not saying i'll mug day and night..
just the minimal to do well enough..
thats enough..

I wana..
train hard..
to be good enough..
be on the boat for every race set..
go for races..
to win medals..

Joel told me..
to think about what i live for..
taking her out of the equation..
that i can love her..
and free myself at the same time..
i thought and thought..
no answer came..

i told Ele this..

i'm telling u..
if ur gonna be lyk this every day..
you wun get to enjoy life as u wud lyk it to be..

As in read it the second time through..
it hit me back real hard..
i realised so much..

i love life..
life gave me so much..
those nearly 18 years of my life..
it has been good..
perhaps too good..
time to learn to appreciate what i have now..
it starts now..

i live cause...
still pondering..
i know i'm getting close..

Love ya..
till when no idea..

The sun battered down on me today..
slightly sunburnt..
i felt good rowing today..
the water wasn't as heavy..
lesser people but easier to row..

The feelings getting worse..
everythings getting worse..
how long can i hang on..
till when..

My heart feels lyk its being torn in half..
every heartbeat hurts..

Relief only comes in tears..
tears are my painkillers..

I feel so much..
yet no words can signify..
how much you mean to me..

I want you to know..
i really love you..

Rowing was especially tough today..
i think its the weather..
scorching hot..
heat drains my energy..
took in lots of water..

Headed over to DTE to study..
did maths..
could have gotten so much better grade for quiz..
its not that difficult..
damn..
regrets..

There's so many things i wana do well..
will i have time to manage all of them..
time will tell..

Jack of all trades, master of none..?

Anguish fills me whenever i think us..
the things we use to do together..
the love we shared..
just being in the comfort of each other..
it was enough..

See ya in my dreams tonight..
after i tear..

The night's beautiful tonight..
so very clear and simple..
just like you..

Weights training today..
same thing speed and timing..
i feel stronger.. =)

Term tests next week..
i wana do well..
time to study..

Train hard..
Study hard..

I see friends feeling down..
due to relationships problems..
one nearly broke up and another did..
always cherish what you have..
or you may end up losing..
lyk me..
try to move on i guess..
ironically, not the case for me..
maybe i shouldn't offer advices..
such hypocrisy..

Made me think..
Why am i acting lyk that..
i know the norm..
yet i act the deviant..

Being this way hurts people who care about me..
my perspective also hurts them..
cause i offer what's "right"..
the "right" thing to do..
yet myself..
in this state..

I've chosen my path..

I live on everyday..
to see..
Family..
Friends..
Most importantly..
You..

Following my heart..
hoping it leads me to you..

A point where I don't matter..
You do..