It rained..
training was still on..
guess what..
got to engineering school from sports complex..
engine school had 4 major staircases..
and we did all 4 plus back 2..
(7 flights up + 7 flights down) x 6 times = 84 flights..
the ups were just terrible..
the lactic acid just burns your thighs..
the downs were to catch breath..
seriously felt high..

had the usual weights training..
chin-ups..
debrief..
home..

Other girls will come along..
They always do..
But what's the point..
When all i ever want is you..

Every step my muscles ached..
every breathe my rib hurts..
every crouch my abs hurt..
every movement hurts..
Recover and be strong again..

Stayed at home whole day..
Jeremy and ShiHan came over..
slacked around a little..
Jeremy got so fed up with Winning Eleven..
cause i kept winning.. lol..

Weights training tomorrow..
omg.. can almost feel the aches again..

You are a part of me..
We were never apart...

Okay.. I'm ready..
did some stretching..
some deep breathing..
set my mind to it..
I'm ready..
ready to go..

May God give me the boost if need be..
Please watch over me..
Especially You..

Be back tonight..

K.. back..
Fitness test was alright i guess..
8 chin-ups per minute..
could have done alot better..
52 sit-ups per minute..
was okay..
2 sets of 57 and 49 push ups per minute..
still okay..
10.34 minutes for 2.4km run..
satisfied..
My thighs are strained..
ouch..
recovery starts now..

Thanks Nurul so much for cheering me on..
eventhough you were at track training..
it helped a little.. lol.. =)

You were there..
In my mind..

The Hills Have Eyes is M18..!
wanted to watch today..
but realised i was underaged..
it felt a little sad.. lol..
i'll be 18 soon anyways..
anyone got the DVD to lend me..?
had pastamania..
then played pool..
slacked..

Tomorrow got Fitness Test..
i'll be hyped up for it..
i'm gonna do well..
cause i'm strong.. =)

In all that i do..
I do it for you..
i'm sure you'll be in my mind tomorrow..
when i hit the limit..

More DB rowing today..
basically did what we did yesterday..
sets of speed rowing..
only today more intense..
race coming up at Danga Bay, Malaysia..
will not be going cause it clashes exactly on the weekend of Class Chalet..
sacrifice..
had dinner..
played pool..
went home..

Mind over matter..
Discipline..
Commitment..
Fitness..

In this carousel of time..
everything just keeps coming back to me..
i can't seem to forget, you..
i lost you.. now and forever..
and now i can't seem to find my way back..
if only in this carousel..
i could turn back time..
and return to where we left off..

Felt shagged from yesterday..
hamstring felt tight..
lucky the run was alright..
did sets of speed rowing..
kinda cool i rather do this than long distance..
sprint then break..
sprint then break..
a rather slack day today..
more DB tomorrow for me..! =)

In all that i do..
my intentions are clear..
i do it cause i felt it needed it..

I can't forget..
all the times spent together..
i realised..
there's no other..

Winning Eleven 9 Rox!
Yay! i thrashed Jeremy in Winning Eleven 9..
it has always been my dream.. lol..
went Blading today at PRP..
kinda sick of the place already..
maybe we'll change destination next time..
chiong changi beach..? east coast..?
had dinner at downtown..
slacked in PRP again..
i love the sea breeze..
has a calming effect on me..
recharges me for another hectic day..

rowing session at Kallang tomorrow and Sunday..
i'll make it through..
cause i know i can.. =)

Why must things ever turn out this way..
Both are my friends..
My right and left hands..
How can i ever do without either..
Sort things out..
Give in if possible..
Don't expect anything in return..
Love wholeheartedly..
All the best..

Down but not out..
i'll never be out...

Feel so much better..
just love burning myself out..
make or break..
pushing myself to the limit..
I LOVE TRAINING..
although its a little too routine..
got a little warning about my attendence..
MUST not miss training again..
Oh my God..
fitness test coming up next tuesday..
i hope i survive..
i mean i will right.. =)

I'm feeling high..
too much exercise..
time to sleep..
nite..

Exorcising the ghost of you and me..

Oh my god..
another day at home..
more games for me..
DOTA..
Winning eleven..
DOTA..
Winning eleven..
sick of this morbid lifestyle..
bad for me mentally and physically..
shall get out tomorrow and attend training..! =)

The purpose of life is..?
still searching...
still looking..
still finding..

DOTA-ed a little..
thrashed Chelsea with Jeremy while ShiHan mapled..
went out for lunch with ShiHan and Jeremy..
headed over to Suming's house for mahjong session..
back to my place thrashing Chelsea again..
slacked infront of computer..
ZzZzz..

Cant wait for class chalet.. =)

Bored..
Dead Bored..
Leave me out of the fun..

In everything you do, make sure you don't regret..
guess what, i did..

Stayed at home the whole day..
slacked..
tired..
slept at 4am..
mum made a big fuss out of it..
mum went blah blah new computer blah blah..
didnt heard wad else was said..
cause New Computer says too much..
i mean its the holidays..?
cant i like stay up late..
i usually don't do it but couldnt sleep..
slacked around online and it was 4am..
like wad am i suppose to do..
awaken by grumblings by mum and dad to one another..
got up at 7am..
just lay in bed half-conscious..
pretend never hear anything..
knocked out again..
woke up at 3pm..
this is the latest i've ever woken up..
thrashed my xbox..
realised it was like 6pm..
God-damn fast day..
holidays..
beginning to hate them..

I've never felt so lost before..
Finding no purpose in Life..
Waking up every single day..
to find yourself struggling through life..
What's the purpose of suffering every single day..
With nothing to look forward to everyday..
Something is just missing in my life..
I don't know what either maybe its..
Thinking doesn't help..
Life seem so bleak..

Finding what i've lost..
Finding the purpose of me..

Apparently ShiHan and I got the wrong time for DB..
we arrived there and they were going home..
decided to go Gym..
called Crystal along..
did running and weights..
train train train..

I've been treating my parents bad lately..
guilty about it..
they always ask ignorant and insignficant questions..
questions that make so so frustrated to answer..
so i just keep quiet..
let them ask a few more times then i answer..
no purpose answering anyway..

My heart skips a beat whenever i think of you..

Haven't been updating these 2 days..

went blading on friday..
so many kids around..
school holidays..

my new computer finally came..
guess what the moniter gave up on me after just 5 hours..
lucky the CPU still standing.. lol..
will go for a 1 for 1 change tomorrow..
hope everything turns out fine..

went to the Food Fair in Suntec today..
pretty pathetic..
only 1 hall..
little variety..
the event held in Expo last year was so much better..

i'll be at DB tomorrow i guess..
my left biceps are overstrained..
i think its the nerve or something..
it hurts..

If you dont mind I can be your standing crown..
Even if that means I drown...

DB training again..
weights training..
pushed to the max..
never felt so bad..
i'm tired..
shagged..

In our lives..
people come and people go..
we tend to forget the insignificant's..
people who made no impact to us in our life..
we take people so dear to us for granted..
cause we always assume that they would be the last to leave you..

that was so random..

Why am i feeling so down again..
the memories flood me..
when will i ever remove the shackles..
and ever be free again..
is it really up to me..
helpless..
suffocating..
to weak to get up..
succumbing to the inevitable..

deep down.. you're still there..

Happy Birthday Ahmad and HuiPing!
went ice skating today..
Me, ShiHan, Gerald, Ahmad, ZhenHong..
Ele, Abby, Dahliah, Cassandra and Eldora..
had great fun..!
been so long since i skated..
my shin is bruised cause i wore ankle socks..
oh wells.. at least i enjoyed myself.. =)

Went to Marina Square..
WeiQiang, MinKay, Jeremy, Joel..
HuiPing, Crystal, Rebecca, Xingqi and Jass came..
ate Kenny Rogers..
had quarter chicken and ribs..
it was nice..

Decided to go Pasir Ris Park..
just found a nice place to sit down..
the sea breeze was very pleasing..
could have fallen asleep..
thought alot..
cleared my mind..
cleaned my soul..

Cherish what you have..
cause once its gone..
it may never come back..

Lin Jun Jie - Down
I Cant Believe It
Tell Me I'm Dreaming
That We Are Still We
It Was Amazing
Said You Were Lucky
That You Found Me

It was on a rainy day, that we met you didnt have a place to go
Yeah
As we just met so lets go slow but no you just told me to keep you from the cold
Sorry I cant take it
Why did you fake it
Why did we kiss

And I'm just Down
You left me with a note without a sound
I figured i must stop being such a child
You never know how much I've been around
How my heart just frowns of your down

I'll Be Your Teddy Bear
I'll Be Your Clown
I'll Take you Round and Round

If you dont mind I can be your standing crown
Even if that means I drown

As we just met so lets go slow but no you just told me to keep you from the cold
Sorry I cant take it
Why did you fake it
Why did we kiss

And I'm just Down
You left me with a note without a sound
I figured i must stop being such a child
You never know how much I been around
How my heart just rounds of your down

I'll Be Your Teddy Bear
I'll Be Your Clown
I'll Take you Round and Round

If you dont mind I can be your standing crown
Even if that means I drown

And maybe that will be my one last vow

DB Training today..
its so routine..
i dread going to training..
but after every training its so fulfiling..
enduring the long runs..
pushing yourself after every pull up..
the lactic acid building up in your arms during rowing..
the pain rocks..
i'm loving it..

tired..
shagged..
cause thats the way i want it to be..

Me, ShiHan, Jeremy and Crystal..
Went to City Hall to shop for HuiPing's present..
walked through City Link..
to Marina Square..
then to Suntec..
pretty much the same things all around..
spent alot of time looking for that particular handbag..
guess it was worth it.. it was nice..
Ele and Abby came..
ate Carl's Junior..
the Burger was god-damn big..
played bowling..
left for home..
we 3 guys went for supper at Bedok..
got home..
tired..

I feel so neglected..
i feel so alone..
where's everyone..
perhaps i'm just lost..
it just me..
i need you..

Went to IT Fair yesterday..
last day closing at 9pm..
we arrived at 7.30pm..
family visited 2 booths..
Acer and HP..
Decided to buy the HP one..
bought a new computer..
coming on friday..
cmon lets DOTA soon.. =)

The hurt's is gone..
the love and regret is still here..

Had DB Training yesterday..
at Kallang..
was mid-day when training started..
i got sunburnt on my back again..

Mayb i'll be going IT Fair with parents later..
see how..

Bought Winning Eleven 9..
been targeting that game for long..
played the whole day..
more or less rested for tomorrow's training..
muscles still aching..

No time to recover..
Trying not to think..
I can't help it..
Drowning myself in tiredness..

Try The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test..
my results below.. =)

the Questioner Test finished!

you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX. "I am affectionate and skeptical" Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative. How to Get Along with Me Be direct and clear. Listen to me carefully. Don't judge me for my anxiety. Work things through with me. Reassure me that everything is OK between us. Laugh and make jokes with me. Gently push me toward new experiences. Try not to overreact to my overreacting. What I Like About Being a Six being committed and faithful to family and friends being responsible and hardworking being compassionate toward others having intellect and wit being a nonconformist confronting danger bravely being direct and assertive What's Hard About Being a Six the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations Sixes as Children Often are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent Sixes as Parents are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence worry more than most that their children will get hurt sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages You liked the test? so please RATE it... but remember! it had only two questions!!! ;-) You are not completely happy with the result?! You chose CY Would you rather have chosen: AY (EIGHT) BY (FOUR) CX (TWO) CZ (ONE)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on ABC You scored higher than 55% on XYZ

Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Life now for me is going..
to and fro from DB trainings..
so many aspects of training to cover..
every week is more of a routine..
keeping myself tired..
keeping myself busy..

Today's DB was toughest so far..
had rowing..
running..
weights training..
and pull ups..

Relishing my break tomorrow..
Resting my body..
my mind..
my soul..

Training is draining what's left of me..
i make myself tired..
stopping me from thinking too much..

I've thought time and time...
over and over again..

All i want is to be with you again..

Badminton..
was slack..
AGM..
was interesting..
Dinner..

No amount of grief will make it be..
i should stay happy, keeping her in my heart..

Time will tell..
whether its meant to be..
cause there's only one you..
an irreplacable you..

Results coming out on 11 March..
thats lyk 4 more days..
just wanna pass everything..
which i don't think i will for certain subjects..
no one to blame but me..

DB training today..
ran round Bedok Reservoir..
thats lyk 4km plus..
ran in a frantic pace..
did the usual pull ups..
had pool training today..
feel so much better after exercise.. =)
tomorrow still got AGM..

Gonna play badminton in school tomorrow..

In my heart..
We'll never be apart..

Happy Birthday ShiHan..!
everyone around me all turning 18..
i still got 3 more months..
it seems that 18 is the age where you reach maturity..
where you can drink, club and smoke legally..
the point where you're more responsible for your actions..

Thanks to everyone who was there..
ShiHan, Gerald, Jeremy, Joel, Ele, Eileen, Abby,
HuiPing, Zhang ShiMin, WeiYi and Pamela..

I admit i felt really down today..
i'm sorry if i had spoilt the occasion in anyway..
not because of my friends or anything..
they were all so hyped up and all..
and me so down.. so lonely.. so alone..
it's just me..

I want you back..
i really do..
trust me..
love me..
one last time..
one last chance..

i'm dreaming..
and i can't wake up..
no way out..
i'm f***ed...

Last day of work..
Finally.. can enjoy my holidays..
and wait for the money to arrive..
things started as usual..
hell broke loose only at 12pm..
public allowed to enter the halls..
but they could only remove the items after 5pm..
security reasons and too dangerous to move heavy furniture around..
but the people..
sad to say mostly locals..
can't understand the rationale..
the security closed one eye already..
they still wanted to bring even bigger items out..
tables, chairs, etc.. somemore bring trolley in..
just helped out a little of the crowd control..
while scanning an occasional pass..
slacked..

Gosh.. my earphone is spoilt..
only can hear from one side..
nvm.. got a spare..
can buy new one after get pay! =)

Urge to get in touch with you again..
Just wanna see how're doing..
Then again.. i know whatever i do..
It'll hurt.. me and you..
So why do it..?
You tried to make me your friend..
I just couldn't cherish the fact that we'll just me friends..
I'll never be prepared to be your friend..
I'd rather stay on this way..
Dilemma in me..

I see a long treacherous road ahead..
there's no turning back..

4th day..
the days are getting by faster..
slacker too.. lol..
tomorrow's last day..! =)
will miss all the nice security aunties and uncles..
hope to work with them again..

Relationships are complicating..
Yet people dive into them..
There must be a rationale for it..
Perhaps its cool..
Perhaps its desperation..
Perhaps its just love..?

Trust..
Respect..
Commitment..
Unconditional Love..
Eternity..

Ironically..
i realised i loved you more after you're gone..
perhaps its the just regrets setting in..?
i'll keep my promise to not be you're friend till i'm ready..
it'll hurt you to hear..
i'll never be ready.. i'm sorry..
cause I Love You too much...

I'll never ever give up..
the memories flow like an endless river..
and so will the love..
time will tell me everything..

我爱你...

3rd day of work..
the days are getting faster..
sat down more often..
basically its the same cycle of events..

Treat people the way you want to be treated..
I'm not obliged or obligated to you..
You act like a prima donna..
And sing vularities like a song..
Always make us go the extra mile for you..
Always give us that attitude if we don't do as pleased..
Is this how you can treat your good friends..?
Thats not friendship..
There's no coolness or greatness in showing that you're brave..
Your cowardy acts shine through even more..
We're here to not laugh at you but to understand..
You're loyal all your friends..
Change my friend..
Cause i still cherish you..

Not saying i'm perfect..
perhaps you could say i'm worse..
i'm not smart..
not hardworking..
very lazy..
a bad lover..
a lousy friend..
a failure in many..
good for nothing..

But I'm here..
For My Loving Family..
For the Girl I'll Always Love..
For My Beloved Friends..
I don't want to just give up on life and let everyone down..
Seeing people sad for me just ain't worth it..
I'll change for the better..
For You Guys...

Living not for myself..
Living for you..

2nd day of work..
slacking more and more..
seeing pretty much the same people..
just sat there and watched people come to you..
then you'll stand up, scan their passes and sit down again..

Went to Downtown to have dinner..
Gerald came down to meet us..
had BK..
took a short ride home..
i'm tired..
feeling lousy..
thought too much as usual..

Frozen in time..
Felt as though you never left..
I'm here.. You're there..
Our paths may never cross..
That's what hurts the most..

Never Lived...
Never Died...
Just Loved...
Just Heartbrokened..

I'm tired.. stood for a few hours..
scanned the visitor's passes as they enter..
lotsa foreigners.. & locals too..
most of them were friendly..
most of the scanning were in the morning..
afternoons were boring..
lepak-ed with the security guards..

Left for Long John's for dinner..
was quiet and all..
so much memories..

why am i so emotional..?
why can't i let go..?
why do i still love you so much..?
must have frightened Joel and ShiHan..
so much that they decided to walk home from Tampines with me..

walked the path where so much hurt and pain was caused emotionally..
the path where i broke your heart so badly.. i know it never recovered..
everything went downhill from there..
i hate myself for everything i've done..
you'll always be my one and only..
there's only one you..
ILY...

Alternating between those sweet memories and bitter tears..

Happy Birthday Gerald..!
although this year don't have 29th Feb..
we still celebrated with you..
we're nice people.. =)
hope you liked your present..

Went for job briefing at Expo today..
with ShiHan and Joel..
we left for Tampines later..

Went to TM Fish and Co for dinner..
with Stella, Ele, Gerald, HuiPing, Crystal,
WeiQiang, ZhenHong, MinKay and Abby..
had Grilled Salmon Cajun..
quite nice.. love the Kola Tonic..

Caught Final Destination 3..
very Gruesome..
not scary..
exaggerated too much..
especially the bloody scenes..

It certainly left a deep impression..
i'm lyk avoiding and thinking too much..
trying to think what could happen to me..
don't think so much already..
tomorrow got work..
sleeping time..

How can you ever be replaced..
you left such a lastin impression..
so lasting that you never left my heart..
it hurts so much to be doing what i'm doing now..
but its for the greater good i guess..
as long as you're happy..
i'll be too..
我爱你...